Family dynamics

The family is gone now. Flew back to Louisiana yesterday from Santa Barbara. I was sad to see them go because I knew what they were going back too. Sad in many ways. I knew if they went back, that things for them would never be the same. There are so many opportunities here, and none there.

Tamara has a lot of challenges she faces when she returns. I wish I could help her and advise her, but she is young and has to learn things for herself. When she learns to take her power back, she'll be one hell of a woman. She already is, but with knowledge on her side she can't be stopped.

When you continue doing the same things you will continue to have the same results. She tells me of all the horrible things my daughter does to her, but yet she still continues to go back for more. I told her she deserves everything that Heidi does to her. Tamara knows how she is, so she has no excuse. I feel as long as Heidi has people to clean her house, give her vans to drive, and do everything for her, she will never grow.

I'm so sad for my daughter and her life. She could have such a lovely life with good friends, education and peace, but instead she chooses to be full of drama. Her Karma is playing out from what she did in to me and others here in Ca. I don't see a very good future for her if she continues the way she's been going.

I hope Tamara will see all this and not let her own life get out of control. Tamara has her own issues she needs to take care of herself. Bad decisions lead to bad results.

I've had so many of my questions answered with Tamara coming here. I'm at peace with everything and know all I needed to know. I made the right decision to NOT continue my relationship with my in-laws and my own daughter. Toxic relationships have kept me from moving forward. I now see there isn't anything I can do or say to change anything. I've done all I can do, and just going to let it go and enjoy my life.

As I told Tamara, I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. Mainly, because I've had to walk away from people that have been in my life over 33 years now. Sure has made a HUGE difference in my attitude, and general quality of life. I didn't realize how negatively they effected my everything. Since 09 when I realized how they were only hanging around to watch me suffer not to help me in anyway, I knew something had to change.

I feel sad about all this of course, but again, it's a relief. Tamara coming here and confirming everything I thought anyway, makes it all come together and now I'm really able to let it go for the last time and make a new future with Laurie.

This also made me appreciate Laurie more than ever. She was a champ during all this. For someone that's never had children, she did great. She has helped raise a few, so that helped of course. She understood the dynamics that go along with all this. She stood by and supported me when needed. And there were a few challenging days that I needed that support. I'm so grateful for her. She is really the first partner in my life that has supported me unconditionally. Something I've looked for all my life. I am blessed.

What a lesson in life. I'm loving all of this really. Coming full circle and being able to put things to rest is huge for me. I've been wanting this for a very long time and it's finally here. I feel wonderful. I'm finally at the kind of peace I've been looking for all my life. I had a certain amount of peace for the last two years, but this is even better now.

I've been seeing people as they really are, and not for who I thought or wanted them to be, and I'm ok with it now, because none of them are involved in my life anymore. I wish my daughter well but I have no plans to ever see her again. I never thought I'd really be alright with that, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders to be able to walk away without regret. I've done and said all I can in order to be able to have a relationship with her and family.

It's strange, I no longer feel the need to be in any of my Grandchildren s lives. I love them dearly, but I don't feel the need to be involved on a daily basis. If they write or call fine,but if they don't I'm not going to crumble or even think much. There is so much drama involved with them and their situations, I don't want to get involved in all that. I just stepped out of all that years ago, and don't welcome it in my life anymore.

Laurie and I have managed to build a wonderful life together. We still plan on going on the road someday soon I hope. One way or another, I'll be traveling in the near future. We have all kinds of things going on right now that we are working on. Our future is what is most important to me now. Laurie, Pickles and myself, that is my FAMILY, and they are number one with me at this time in my life. We both have great friends collectively and individually, so our lives are full of love, and acceptance. Life is good!

Wow, I had no idea life could really be this wonderful.

When all this rain is over with, I'm going to start working on the RV and getting it in better shape. I have all new 6 tires, and I've been painting the inside slowly, but when the weather gets better I plan on doing a lot more work. Devon said he'd help me, and I'm excited about that. He seems to be a great guy, I just hope Tamara realizes it before it's too late. But I think it may be. Time will tell.

I know now, I want to work harder on my relationship with Laurie and try to make our lives the best possible because we both deserve it. We may not have much material wise, but we have so much when it comes to our lives. We have a place of our own, friends, travel, and everything we could ever need. We may not have the best of everything, but everything we have we've worked hard to get. It's ours paid for. We didn't inherit anything, it wasn't given to us, we earned it. For that I'm very proud.

Speaking of, can't wait to paint not only the RV but the mobile home and they will look better and smell fresh. Love the smell of something freshly painted. Everyday, we find ways to improve what we have. It's a wonderful challenge actually.

I hope my daughter and Tamara gain the wisdom needed to maneuver through life. I just told Tamara to be honest as best she can, and treat everyone like you wish to be treated. All I can do is be an example and let it go.

Laurie said I did a great job while they were here. Being a Grandparent, you sometimes have to walk on eggshells in order to see your grandchildren. I've walked that eggshell laid floor long enough, and I'm done. If I see them again, good, if I don't it won't destroy me. I've seen all of them, enjoyed each and everyone of my Grandbabies, and I'm happy to go forward with the pictures I have and not worry about the rest.

I feel such a weight off my shoulders I can't begin to tell you. I feel like a kid out of my parents house for the first time and want to just have fun. And I plan on it. Not that I didn't have fun before, but this is a little different. I'm FREE!!! This is the most totally free I've ever felt in my life. When you live an authentic life and don't have to cover up for anything, lie, cheat, nothing, it's a very free and powerful life. I feel like  I can do anything. Not that I didn't before, but now for some reason it just feels so RIGHT.

I may not have a new car, or home, but I have what others only wish they had. Good friends, good home, no debit, and peace of mine. I have a partner that loves me unconditionally and supports my ever effort who needs anything else. Grandkids, and other such things are a bonus. I'm so blessed.

I'm not thinking of what I don't have, I'm thinking of what I DO have.

I look forward to the future now that I'm made peace with the past. Life is good, thank you Great Spirit for all my blessings.

Namaste'

Our first Gala Pool party

We had a blast! I even managed to be able to swim a few minutes in-between BBQing and everything else going on.

Dory and I took Scotty Dean and Pickles to the dog park so they could run out all their energy to be able to sit in the car while we have this party. No dogs allowed darn it. They had such a good time. Dory and I had a few moments to talk, so it was nice. We talk about some of the people that are no longer in our lives, and those far away.

I cherish my friendships with people more so now than ever before. I've been losing so many friends to death, moving, health you name it. Many I have had to eliminate due to unhealthy lifestyles. Friends are so important. They should be cherished and nurtured.

I didn't really connect to anyone at the party really. Adaire and her wife were very sweet and I did like them very much. But the others seem to have a click going on, and that's all good. I really only want to add only perhaps one more to my circle. I don't want to get too many in there, then it's hard to keep up with everyone.

Laurie had some of her art on the table as did I. I think I'm going to sell some of my art and things that I've bought to the neighbor. He came over and picked out the ones he wants. Nice. I've also sold a few things on Ebay. Also a bonus. I've got to really get going with that. I need to make money while on the road. If others can do it I should be able to do it also. Laurie is putting her art on her website and hope someone buys some for Christmas. That would be sweet.

I've been looking at all kinds of things to improve the RV before getting on the road. I want to pull up the carpet, and put in a wood floor. I would like to have it outfitted with solar, so I can stay out in the desert and cook as well as watch TV or anything else I decide. I'm learning.

I've been watching Youtube video's on how to do so many things concerning the RV. As well as how to make new balloon animals. Great place to watch. Now I don't have to buy the expensive video's. Nice. I've been practicing and think that will be the major money maker while on the road. It's something that can be done on the streets, festivals, and someone can hire me as well. Nice. I love clowning but much of it is going down in the history books because kids aren't brought up with clowns anymore, so they are afraid of them. I'm going less make-up and more colorful outfits and hats.

I'm really trying to downsize. Taking less this time on the road than ever before. I have to figure out how many beads I want to take etc. I want to make things on the road to sell. There are festivals and usually farmers markets in most towns. The less I have the better I feel and the more free.

With Precious Earth Art that I make and have a Facebook page with pictures, it's nice to have the cards. It makes it look more professional. I have plastic bins that I can put the stuff I make into, and then I can take out and place in my booth. I will have to get tables and some things to display my things. I know I will either need an e-z up or I can use the umbrella's I have right now on the cheap.

I am so looking forward to the Spring to be able to get on the road, and see everything bloom. Spring is my favorite time of year. I've been looking to go to The Great Northwest. I love it there. The people are so artzy fartzy. To me it's Gods Country. I used to own 20 acres there a few years ago, but I sold it. Miss it very much. Still look at pictures of it now and then.

Gonna get going to make some art tonight before having to go get Devon. Tamara and the kids are coming for the ride. I will miss them when they leave.

Namaste'