When a partner is under the weather

Alright, I am the first to admit, I don't like it when my partner is sick. I feel so helpless and codependent. I want to make everything better as fast as possible.

In this case, with Laurie today and the last two days, I've been doing my best to be a comforting partner, helpful, caring, and available. But I have to admit it's very hard. I don't like to see her in a weakened state. Now, I know how she must have felt during so much of my painful medical problems.

This is of course part of life and especially part of life with another person. You have to take the good days with the bad. Sometimes you just don't realize how bad the bad days are going to be. Don't get me wrong. Laurie had a colonoscopy and that's a pretty regular thing, but when it's done to someone like Laurie, it's a bigger deal than normal. It's hard to see her sick and not able to keep food down. I just want to make it all better and make it go away.

I'm so happy to have someone like her in my life now, I want to assure that she is healthy and happy. We have a long life ahead of us, and many more adventures to have, and I want some of my other friends to meet her that haven't had a chance yet. We have so much travel to do as well. When you finally find someone that works in your life, you don't want anything to mess with it.

I've never met anyone like Laurie, and her temperament is beyond anything I know. She's always happy, and rarely in a bad mood if ever. I've lived with her going on 3 years 24/7 and I can safely say she has been happy 99% of the time. I've never known anyone like her. She's taught me more by example than most anyone I've ever met. I believe in proof and actions speak louder than words. People have lied to me all my life, and tell me they will do this and that, but Laurie is the first one to really keep her word, and if she is unable will make up for it, or let you know. Totally honest. That is so rare, I won't ever let her go. She's way too precious.

I can understand why others have let her go, because she is everything they are NOT, and sometimes it's hard to live with someone like that, but if your life is an authentic life, it's not hard at all, in fact, it's a blessing.

I'm happy for all the experience Laurie had before me, and she feels the same of me. I've learned all the hard lessons, and have moved on with my life in a greater understanding, compassion, and empathy toward others and their journey. My journey has been one I wouldn't have missed for anything in the world. And now that Laurie is part of it, all the better.

We both have the need to help others in whatever way we are able. Most of the time, people just want to tell us their story and have someone interested. That would be Laurie and me. We listen to people hour after hour. It's our ministry. Both of us have licenses to be pastors of our own church. Laurie has been a pastor in MCC. So we both have experience with helping others. I've been giving back since I was 14 years old and was a member of the Mormon Church. I volunteered for everything they did. I enjoyed helping people I still do.

It's so important to us to get on the road and help all those we can. We have been able to help locally some, and can't wait to get on the road and do what we do best. I love to inspire others to follow their dreams. We enjoy telling others our stories. We both have very different stories that seem to resonate with others. I like that. The more I talk to people the more I find we are so alike.

Being on the road has been such a blessing to me, and for Laurie to tell me she believes we need to get back on the road was a dream come true. Staying in one place is very hard for me. I love being on the road and meeting new people, and seeing what is around the corner.

There is always a festival or something to celebrate in every town we visit. Can't wait to take more pictures this year than ever before. I have a new camera and am going to do my best to capture all the adventure we seem to find ourselves in.

We follow our hearts and turn down different roads sometimes as we drive and we have met some of the most interesting people, and think it was meant to be. I can't explain but when you know you were suppose to be friends it's a feeling that comes over you. Fun

Laurie and I have lots of jewelry made up to sell while we are on the road. And we are getting our beads and art stuff ready to go on the road and make stuff as we go along. This is the most fun of it all. Looking around the desert, for firewood, goodies, to use for art, and rocks. We love it all. We always seem to come home with a treasure if not many as we walk.

Last year we found a palm tree that had been there years and shed it's large leaves of which we used as firewood all the time were there at RiverLodge. We'd just go there daily and get what we needed for the evening, and have a lovely fire. Usually for the evening and the morning coffee. Life is but a dream.

I can't believe I was ever married, had kids, or had another life totally different from this one.

I don't miss my so called married life. I was my husbands sisters lover before being his wife. I knew Judy first. It just didn't work out between us due to drugs/drinking. Rick her brother didn't do drugs but did drink. Who knows how it would have turned out if I'd stayed with Judy rather than Rick. Both would have been a challenge.

What is important is I learned from my former life in order to be the kind of person I am now in my life. Laurie is pleased with my progress.

Laurie and I have found our place in this earth and we have found it together. I'm so proud of her, for all she's gone through and come out on top. She has had a lot of betrayal, as I have, so we both understand what it's like to be lied too, cheated on, and totally destroyed by those that proclaim to love us. So, we both understand the hurt involved, so we won't do that to each other.

I'm proud to call her my partner, and will protect her with everything I have while I'm alive.

Some of her family have forgotten her, and some of my own family did the same to me, so we are in the same boat on that one too.

Long ago lovers betrayed us, and we are now determined to be true to each other and tell the truth whatever that truth may be. Nothing hurts more than finding out you've been lied too.

Once you learn all these lessons, it's easier to be a good partner. You want to be treated as you would treat someone else.

I have loved others, but there is a different kind of love for Laurie. I have had passionate love where I couldn't stand to be away from them for even a moment, not healthy. We are our own person, and have different goals, and dreams, and we both respect that.

What I feel for Laurie is deeper, and worth much more. Not a physical thing, but a friendship/partner kind of thing.


In taking Jade back to Lake Havasu to the rescue people, it won't happen too soon. I love Jade, but she needs more room to roam. I'll be sorry to see her go in many ways.

Hope everyone is doing good tonight and thinking Mother Earth for all the gifts she gives us daily.

Namaste'

The Cold is upon us

It's the middle of September and it's already getting pretty cold in the evenings. Laurie has really been suffering with all this coldness.

Unfortunately, we are going to have to give back our dog Jade from the rescue people. We've tried very hard to train her and get her to work with Laurie, but have come to realize that her aggression toward other dogs, and people is not going to work as a service dog. We need a dog that will stand firm for Laurie to get up if she falls. Jade has a tendency to want to run toward other dogs and that will drag Laurie with her. It made us very sad, but we just can't keep her. We can't leave her alone that she destroys things in the house, and barks all the time.

We've been in talks with many trainers and they have specified that she really won't work as a service dog, but she will make someone a fabulous pet, and we will keep tabs on her to see where she ends up and how it is going.

With all that said, after the Pow Wow here locally I am going to visit a friend of mine for a week or so, and Laurie is going to drive to Lake Havasu, AZ and take Jade back to her former owner. She will get to be where it's warmer and less humidity. I will be up in the mountains with a friend. We will both be in our favorite elements.

Looks like our bathroom floor is going to get done after all. The guy that did it originally is coming back to re-do it and seal it better, as the toilet apparently wasn't sealed properly and leaked under the linoleum. All has to be pulled out and replaced.

Now, as the RV, it's looking good and driving wonderfully. I look forward to taking it up North and staying by the beach. I miss the woods and all the beautiful nature. I will cherish every moment.

So much concerning our health has been addressed. Laurie and I have had practically every test possible. I just got my Mammogram, Laurie did her last week. Blood tests, ekgs, you name it we've had it done. And all in all, we are doing pretty good. My blood pressure is up some, but I'm going to work on that one. I don't feel stressed or anything so don't know where that is coming from.

Next is my blood test. I'm a little afraid of that one. My blood sugars are up, and I'm working on that one very hard. I don't want the big D. My diet has totally changed. I'm working very hard on becoming a vegetarian, and perhaps a Vegan if possible. The more I learn the more I'm horrified about the treatment of our brother animals.Sad

I've really started doing beadwork again. My eyes have gotten better since 09. I've really been juicing and doing the best I can with diet to self heal. I believe you can do a lot of that yourself with attitude and determination. Knowledge is power.

I've also been taking my picture taking seriously. I bought my first camera at 16 on credit. The very first thing I bought on credit. I was so proud of that camera and took pictures constantly. I haven't changed. I'm back to a lot of what I enjoy. Somehow along the way, I've been so busy being busy, I haven't been enjoying the things I enjoy the most. Those days are over, and I'm so happy to say, the little child in me has come back with a bang. I love it.

I'm so looking forward to the future and all it entails. I've decided to accept the gifts given and not suppress anything. I've been blessed with so many talents and gifts, that I've not appreciated in the past, but now I'm ready to receive them with open arms.

I've eliminated the negative, and looking forward to the positive. I'm blessed beyond belief, and I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for Laurie in my life and the sunshine she brings to me. The acceptance I've craved and looked for all my life is in one little package called my partner. I've waited for her all my life. I'm grateful. When someone tells you they won't leave you no matter what, that is powerful. More powerful than I even realized at the time.

She accepts me as is, and doesn't try to change me. This is a good thing. I am a handful, this I admit, and there are only certain people that could be with someone like me. My mind is becoming sharper, and more focused on goals for the future.

I've been talking to Laurie about moving from here. Or at least getting another place in the woods, or more remote. I'm really tired of the crowded city and it sucks up my soul and junks it. Too much noise, people fighting, sirens at all hours, violence, and it's dirty. I long for the paths to walk that are soft and quiet. I just want to sit in the woods and listen.

If we are unable to do this, I'll just be taking more and more trips to visit friends in the woods.

I hate politics, and want to forget about them for awhile. These people who are suppose to be OUR servants are just getting rich. The tea party people are really causing so much heartache to everyone. I'm of course watching them self destruct if it wasn't so sad it'd be funny. But it is fun to watch them act like little kids on a playground that don't get along. For that I'm enjoying this silly stuff, but it's holding this Country hostage, and it's hurting everyone.

I voted for the first time when Obama ran. Before that, I really didn't see any reason, didn't think my vote counted. That has all changed now. I kind of follow the politicians and what they stand for, and I can say many disturbs me. I've voted the best I could do, by being informed, not just one source but many. It sure takes a lot of time to do all that. Locally and on a National level.  I also didn't opt out of jury duty. I had many people tell me how to get out of it, and I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I'm healthy enough to be able to serve, so I'm doing it. But alas, they didn't need me. But at least, I didn't shuck my duty.

I'm thrilled with my progress and coming full circle. I've watched Laurie bloom these last two years. Her eyes have been opened to so much, it's fun watching her discover so much. Life is good for us for sure. We are like two kids and the world is our playground.

Getting the RV fixed today!

It's the wee moments in the morning I enjoy. I have a freshly made cup of coffee, I'm listening to my uplifting tapes on Youtube, and getting ready for the day.

The last few months I've been going through this questioning period. Questioning what true friendships are all about. I have distanced myself from many of my old time friends because of this questioning. I have a tendency to hold on to things much longer than I should. It's sometimes hard to let things go that feel comfortable. But, I've come to find out that sometimes you must purge your life of people who really aren't at the level in life you are, who are insisting to be in their crazy life as it were.

I never took the time to examine the questions I should have. Will they be there for me? Will they root me on in my quest for a better understanding of life? Will they be there if I should fall and need someone to pick me up? Important things to know.

I'm also struggling with those people in my life that have a believe system that I have trouble with. Religion is the worse. My sister is a Mormon and this has divided our family to the point my brother won't connect with Phyllis in any way. And because I had the nerve to say I didn't like her cult either, I was ripped a new one from my step mom. Fortunately, I can't be bullied anymore or intimidated, so I'm trying to figure out how to get through this without ruffling anymore feathers.

I'm almost there. I have to address it soon. I know we can come to some kind of civil way of moving forward.

The really good news that has come out lately is that we are getting the RV fixed today. New shocks in the tune of $700! Ouch, but it's all good. We are going to be a bit short this month perhaps but we will be able to get to Parker, AZ and Quartsite. I look forward to seeing the Colorado River and seeing how Jade our new dog will think..

Speaking of our new dog Jade, we have found out that she doesn't get along well with other dogs! We took her to the dog park and twice she's run after another dog to attack, and we can't have that. She also doesn't like men. She'll growl at them and we are afraid she'll bite, so we keep her on a short leash. Of course, this is going to restrict our movements. But we are working on trying to teach her. She barks a lot too, so this is another challenge.

But we do know she loves to travel. She already knows the RV and can't wait to get into it and take a ride. She sits right in the middle so she can see everything. So, at least that is a good one on our side. She's a love, but a challenge as any new animal is to a home. We had it pretty good with Pickles. She's really a low maintenance dog other than having to take her to the groomers. She's easy to take care of.

Recently we've been really getting busy on making jewelry of all sorts. I find we can sell them anywhere pretty much, just have to show them around. I'm hoping to get a display case again, because the jewelry looks so much better in one. I'm sorry I sold the one I had, but we needed the money at the time.

Laurie's tests have come back and all is well so far. I'm very thankful for that. She finally got into the system and now they are doing all the tests to see how far the osteoporosis has gotten, and the MS. She's doing pretty good with walking and such, but we've been on a donut kick and we need to cut that out, as she is suffering. I told her I'd go the bakery because when she goes we come home with extra sugar I can't resist when they make it home.

We will have all our meds, and tests done for this year, and can enjoy our time in AZ without all that to worry about. Nice! We are going to concentrate on selling our art, and enjoying our time there with friends.

Life is a struggle at times, but it's so worth all we go through to learn and be happy. I am going to try to not watch the news as much and not get so involved into politics. I will vote, and keep that right of course, but I think I'll take a step back from the workings of the world. I find peace when I don't know all these things. I thought I was being informed, but I find being informed comes with it much weight. Heavy weight. I also find there isn't much I can do to change it, other than be the best person I can be. To allow those to believe a man in the sky will come save us all, and not laugh, but honor their journey regardless.

These are my struggles. Laurie and I try to understand everyone and give them an audience. We both share the thought of helping those that need it, or ask for it. We usually end up just being a sounding board but that's ok too. This is the work I've always done. But I find as I get older, I have more compassion for those struggling. I've pretty much struggled with so many things, I can relate to many people. And Laurie can relate to the ones I cannot. So, it's a nice blend we have with the journey's we've taken and found each other.

Laurie is a blessing given to me to understand so much I have been struggling with. She's helped me with much of my being able to go forward with Peace. I saw she was able to do it without judgment. She has struggled with forgiving, and struggles with a sister not speaking to her and I see how it affects her, and because of that, it's prompted me to continue my relationship with my sister. I get it. I don't wish to cause anyone any hurt.

If we could all see what we do to each other over petty things. To feel what others feel when we say hurtful things. I know I'm more aware of my speech. I'm no where close to where I'd like to be, but I'm at least aware.