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Howdy Bloggers. It's been awhile since writing. It seems so much time and living happens in between writings.

 

Laurie and I haven't been able to get away as we had hoped between all the Dr. appointments and other obligations. This is the second year we've not been able to travel. Rats! It's starting to weigh in on me. I miss being on the road so badly.

 

I did go camping last week and it was like heaven and went by way too fast. I didn't interact with the other campers, just wanted to be alone and not have to talk or do anything I didn't want to do.

 

I bought myself a steak for the camp trip and had a wonderful fire. Pickles was beside herself she was so happy. Laurie stayed home to have a little home time alone. We all need time alone. She can listen to Enya (not my fav) music and just do whatever she wants. It's a nice break for us.

 

I've rediscovered taking pictures again. I mean really taking pictures like I used too. I'm hoping to upgrade my camera soon. I'm not into a lot of stuff, but the things I have I want the best I can afford.

 

Getting rid of so much stuff lately. This Saturday we are having a sale out front of the Mobile home park and I hope to sell a lot of no longer needed stuff. I've acquired so many things since moving here to Santa Maria. It's hard turning down things when you don't have much, then you end up with all kinds of goodies you really don't need. So, for the last two days I've been going through the shed and getting out all the things we don't need or want anymore and just get rid of it one way or another.

 

I have two air brush kits and a compressor I've had for years and never have used. Always going to get around to learning how to do it, but never did. It's now time to move it along to someone that would use it. I want to upgrade the RV and we are loosing our car anytime now too. It's circling the drain for sure. But we are grateful for everyday that it still gets us where we are going.

 

I have to give a shout out to all those people in our lives that help us and are concerned for us. We are so blessed with wonderful people around us, but that isn't a fluke, it's because we have decided to have a better bunch of people around us. WE avoid those negative people that no longer fit into our lives collectively.

 

I'm so proud to be Laurie's partner. She's one great gal I must say. She stays calm when I'm not so calm, she allows me to be who I am without making me feel bad about it, and without judgment. Nice. If you ever find someone like that, keep them, you may never find anyone like them again.

 

I know Laurie is my second (third, fourth...etc)chance at love and a loving relationship. It's been a hard road in many ways for both of us, because of being so damaged as children, but we are determined to have the best life possible together. I think we are doing a great job so far. We talk things out, and if we have a problem, we solve it.

 

To have someone that will cook dinner for you when you don't feel so good, someone that will go to the store when you want something, but don't need it. It's doing all the nice things perhaps someone else wouldn't do. It's a pleasure to wake up to her daily. We have an unusual relationship that is for sure, but I can tell you it works and I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm at peace and content. That is something most people never have. They continue to look for that 'thing' that will make them happy. My happiness lies with my relationship with Laurie and all we do together. It's taken me a very long time to find my happiness and my voice, but now that I have it, I don't intent to waste it, but enjoy everyday from this day forward. Don't need a piece of paper to declare it, don't need it to be 'legal' just have to put it out in the world.

 

Speaking of all that 'stuff'. I'm so unhappy with the way the world is going in so many ways. The religious right is really trying to push their beliefs on the rest of us. I'm so sick of hearing about the bible I could scream. It's a horrible book about how badly people treat each other, and all I've seen out of it, is wicked. I can't wrap my head around people believing in a person they've never seen, heard, or ever existed and make that the entire make-up of their lives. I consider it a form of mental illness. The more I study about religious people the more I'm sure it's a mental illness that is very hard to cure once indoctrinated in people from childhood. Such a tragedy in my eyes. People don't need a false book to tell them how to act, it's ingrained into us as nature. Plus, it constantly contradicts itself. The picking and choosing of what to believe and use against others is beyond my understanding. There are good and bad people in every form.

 

Things that were shameful in my day are now the normal. I'm so blown away by the shows on TV let alone anything else. Children are being taught how to blow people away in games, taught how to lie and manipulate people for a game show prize, and just how to act like total idiots and get paid. No wonder the children of today are acting the way they do. Plus, parents aren't at home teaching them anything. They are self taught by way of computer, TV, and games. I don't regret for one minute the time I spent with my kids camping, hiking, driving and singing along with the radio. I was really engaged with my kids, and it was so much fun. Taught them to play games, horseshoes, dominoes, cards, Monopoly and so many others. I now see parents sitting with their kids as they are on their phones. It's so disturbing. The parents are missing so much and so are the kids. I hate this new media era in so many ways.

Laurie and I have talked about giving it all up and living in a little place out in the woods, and we probably will do that in a few years after we have a little more travel under our belts. But who knows what the future brings. I just know I want to have a little place with chickens and live a peaceful life without TV, computer, and all the trappings of the world.

I have a sweet friend that is doing just that. All is solar, and she doesn't have the bills we have. I just visited her not that long ago, and it was like heaven. Now I'm determined more than ever to get a place like that and shut the world as it is becoming out!

 

The rich keep getting richer, and the poor are out numbering anyone else in the world. It's so sad. When I see the rich and all they spend their money on, the more I detest them and their ways. I've known many very rich people in my day and I've never seen one that was truly happy. So what is the point? Helping others is so satisfying, I don't understand why they don't give more. Wish I were rich, I'd do so much with it. I'd make shelters in the South for domestic violence to start with. When I'd go to those places, I felt safer at home than in the shelters.

 

When I see people like Mitt Romney who've been rich and privileged all his life spend his money on such over the top living, I know that they haven't a clue. That is why he didn't get elected among so many other reasons.

 

How many pairs of shoes can you have? Purses? When others look at us from other Countries, we sure look like idiots. When they see us running in malls and fighting to buy more things that aren't needed, it's shameful and I don't want to be grouped in that. I have tried especially these last 10 years to save electricity, food, and all resources. I find it to be a challenge and a lot of fun really. Saving our resources is important no matter how small. This is our Mother Earth and we need to take care of her so she can take good care of us. It's too bad there are those that feel that the Earth is theirs to exploit and use at will. We've seen the results of that type of thinking.

 

And where are all these people who have 'Jesus' in their hearts? Get up off your knees and work at a shelter, volunteer whenever possible. But people remain too hurried, busy, and too stressed to do much. To live in this day and age, you need two jobs to get by. I feel bad for those trying to raise families these days. You don't know who to trust with your kids, you don't know how you are going to make it if you don't work, it's stressful. But I can say, that if you wanted too, you could do it, with LESS. You don't need those name brand shoes, pocket book, or anything really.

 

Thrift stores are full of perfectly good clothes and goods that can be used over again. I rarely ever buy anything new. Even our furniture is either given to us, or we've bought in a thrift store. I can't see buying things full price. That is why we are able to do as much as we do, we don't pay full price. That and I've learned how to cook with natural ingredience which makes it really cheaper in the long run. And so much better for you as well.

 

The more I read about what is put into our foods the more I'm cooking from scratch. Really read the stuff on the box and look it up on the computer, your minds will change fast! It's never too late to start a healthy lifestyle. I'm hoping to go back to being a vegetarian. I've made it about two months in a row so far, but, it's time for me to stop meat altogether.

 

The steroids they give all animals that we eat is what is making us all sick and not feeling well. When you read and see how these animals are treated before death, it's no wonder we are all getting cancer and other illness' that never were before. I'm sorry to tell you this, but those cows don't run free among the flowers. They are housed in horrible conditions, treated just as badly, and then they die. Not good for the spirit of the animal you are eating. I still believe that. When you eat the flesh of an animal that has had a bad life, you take on their spirit. Sad.

 

I used to be a hunter. I never shot a deer. I couldn't. I came face to face with one and I had the gun, but I couldn't shoot. I looked in it's eyes, and we were brothers, so I watched him walk away. And from that day forward, I've not picked up a gun to hunt, nor will I unless I have no other choice. I watched people in the South kill just to be killing. I thought it was barbaric and didn't like the mentality. I lived among the Cajuns that are more back woods, and was blown away at how back woods they really were. Still have the same thoughts about black people, still hold the same grudges from the civil war. I found their educational system so outdated and old I took my kids out of school in order for them NOT to learn things I knew where wrong. Sad that in some parts of the United States they are taught a certain set of 'facts' and in others they are told the true history.

 

People thought I was nuts to start homeschooling my kids. It wasn't the 'in' thing to do in the 80's. People thought I was running from the law, or some other sinister reason I choose not to send my kids to school. I didn't want them coming home telling me a bunch of crap they learned in school I had to tell them it wasn't fact.

 

Especially these so called Christian schools. OMG. I went to private schools as well as regular school. I went to Hawthorn Christian School, in Hawthorn Ca. Brutal. They would beat us with a leather strap on our hands. OUCH! We also had to wear uniforms and learn long bible scriptures. So, let me tell you, if you want to bible thump, I'm right along side ya. Then went to a Seventh Day Adventice (sp) school. That one was something else. No music, no dance, no movies, no fun whatsoever! They were nuts. Made sure we didn't laugh or have fun of any kind. Couldn't wait to get out of that school. It's amazing I came out of all this with a sane mind. I do and will until the day I die believe Christianity is a form a mental illness. When people are unable to handle life, they turn to a super hero to rescue them and give their enemies much needed revenge.

 

What if it was just you and you alone to blame (not the devil) and you and you alone can take the responsibility for the good as well. We are born knowing right from wrong. We are polluted as children to believe the thoughts of our parents. That's all well and good, but some of us, found out for ourselves. I never took the word of anyone. I found more people fake life than live it. I want to find out the answers for myself.

 

After much study on religion, I've come to the conclusion it's all made up. Most all gods have the same beginning, and the same middle, and the same end. Follow me, give money, I'll save you, I have the true answers etc. Herds of people as cattle file in places to learn how to follow all the rules and act accordingly. And if you don't comply you will suffer one way or another. What a horrible way to live but yet people fall for this hook line and sinker.

 

The preachers of this gibberish get richer by the day off of people who send them money to hear this falsehood. Unbelievable to me in many ways. Really???? The preachers of today are richer than ever in history. It's because more and more people are looking to others for their salvation. Stop, listen and you too will be able to do all they do. They are not any more holy than you are. They are not anything more than you are. You are a holy person in your own right, and can do anything they can do. They  have no special powers. If so, why would your god do that? I've studied Jesus, and he wasn't the great one others seem to think he was. First of all, any man that says abandon your family, your wife and children and come follow me, isn't in my book a great guy! So all the apostles abandoned their families, and left them to fend for themselves so they could run off with some guy saying he knows the way to true happiness and eternal life. I think we all know what happened to those 12 men don't we?? And yet, you still want to follow this nut? Not me, I'm running as fast as I can from him, he's another Jim Jones as far as I'm concerned.

 

I have a sister that is a Mormon. I'm having a hard time having a relationship with her because of her beliefs. Religions pull just as many people apart as they bring together I believe. If people would just stop with all the crazy. You don't need a special hand shake or name to get into heaven. If your god is there, he'll know your name and you don't need a special handshake. Boggles the mind what perfectly intelligent people will believe. Brainwashing is a multimillion dollar business. Christian Science is getting richer by the moment with their buy your way into heaven deal.

 

I don't claim to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can tell you this, if you look at all that is believed in this day and age of science, I know it has to be brainwashing mental illness that keeps us in the backwoods ourselves.

 

If people would just treat each other like precious jewels and stop with all the madness, we'd be pretty good off. And stop killing animals just because you can.

 

I've always has a special connection with animals. They've felt safe with me and have come to me from the woods to everywhere. I feel safer with them than I do with humans. The more I get to know humans the more I enjoy being with my animal friends. Nature has always been my temple. I've never ever believed you needed a special place to connect with 'god' yourself or just feel free and part of this earth.

 

I know I think much differently than many, but I'm good with that. I've seen enough phony to last me the rest of my life, and now avoid those type of people when possible. As time goes by, I've found that I like quiet more, less stress, less drama and just be at peace.

 

Hope my Grandchildren are doing good and having as good a life possible with all the drama that surrounds them. I couldn't watch the train wreck anymore and had to step away. Not that I don't care anymore, it's that I don't care to watch the mayhem. They are always in my thoughts. Hope to someday see them again. Hope my daughter is learning the lessons she needs too in order to live a better informed life. Hope she is happy as she has chosen the life she now enjoys.

 

I will say it's much more peaceful in my life without family in my life. The people that surround me treat me better than family ever did, so I'm good with the decision not to allow my blood relatives to use and abuse me anymore. I don't miss them either, which is a great blessing. I thought I'd sit around and wring my hands and be upset, but yet I find myself taking a deep breath and moving forward with confidence and happiness. Weird. When you aren't appreciated and people take you for granted, lie, cheat, and steal from ya, it's time to get the courage up and end it. Unfortunately I had to completely end it in order for it to stop. But, I was happy for the time I did have with my kids Heidi and Cory. I loved singing songs with them, hiking, and teaching them different things as they grew up. But that time is over, and seems like more of a dream now. I learned a lot being a Mother and holding them in my arms was heaven.

 

Now, I'm at the late stages of my life, and enjoy so much. My good friends, Laurie, a good meal, quiet peace, and so much now. I go fishing unhurried. I walk at a pace that is good for me, and I don't usually do anything I don't want too. It's a good way to live. I am now appreciated for what I do and who I am. Laurie makes it a point to let me know how much she loves me and how I've changed her life for the better. Can't beat that. When you have someone like Laurie in your life, you don't want for anything. I'm so blessed.

Gonna go have another cup of coffee and relish all my blessings. I have a grateful journal I need to update it as I'm so grateful for so many things.

 

Namaste'