SkyandLaurieamazingadventures.blogspot.com

Today is friday and so far I haven't gotten any gigs for this week-end. I was sure hoping anyway. We are broke and need the money right now. 

On a lighter note, I had a nice time at the Discovery Museum in Santa Maria. They had me come and give a talk about what it's like to be a Circus Clown. I had a great time. I felt so important and like a star. Sometimes as a clown you are a star in some childs world and I love it. I love to make children smile. I enjoy it more now than ever before. 

In my early career, I was more worried about how the the shows would go, was worried about everything looking just right etc, but now it's more about the fun. As it should have been all along. I found I'm not the only clown that allowed the professionalism get in the way of the fun. I know better now. 

Work has been coming in steady. That's pretty good without any advertising. I hope to start advertising soon. Maybe get into the yellow pages. Who knows. 

Laurie is doing great so far. She's getting into her Buddhist group and goes to the meetings and is meeting all kind of neat people. I go now and then, but I'm not much to go out after dark anymore. I never understood that about others when I was young, now I get it. I just don't want to be out anymore after dark. And so many meeting take place at night. I may change this in the future, because there are so many things that I enjoy doing that go on at night. 

Laurie has been steadily doing her art. She is submitting them to different shows for sale. We'll see.I think she'd do better locally, but she has her own way of doing things, and I'm learning to just let it go and let her do her own thing. 

We have been creating a lot lately. I enjoy this very much. Laurie and I have been creating dolls from seaweed. It's nice to be able to create when you feel like it and have all the materials in order to do that. I have been dreaming of this type of life all my life. It's finally here. Just wish I was pain free in order to enjoy it better. Either way I'm good. 

I've had a hard time with emotions lately. I've not been on medication in a very long time. Last time I took some it made me mean and nasty. Yikes! I wish they could find one that works for me. There have been times when the emotional turmoil was made better by medication, so I'm hoping that will happen again soon. Poor Laurie has been so kind and understanding, I have to give it to her. But I have a feeling she's gone through this before. From the sounds of her past partners they sounded unstable to a degree. 

We are thinking of therapy for couples. We both have issues that could be addressed, and it's a thought, but so far, it's just a thought. 

I've been spending time in the RV getting it ready for the first chance to take it out. I miss living in it very much. I used to think of what it would be like to have a place again. And it's nice, but it's not the RV. I woke up in the RV ready for an adventure. In the trailer, I wake up thinking of all the shit that needs to be done. Yuck. Clean this, fix that, move those things, put that away, do this do that, it's just too much of that and not enough getting out as I once did. I'm not much for domestic bliss as they call it. I'd rather be on the road exploring. And I hope to do that again soon.

Laurie really enjoys being at home. She's so much like my Mother at times it's almost scary. She like my Mother enjoyed being at home watching TV and just putzing around. I get it. It's safe. I want Laurie to feel safe. If nothing else, she's safe with me. I want her to be happy and content, and it seems this is happening for her. That makes me happy.

It's a small trailer, so we are trying to find places for everything. My clowning career can take up an entire room in itself. So, it's been kinda hard to get things in place. It all takes time I suppose. 

We couldn't live in a better place. Safe and clean. The pool is wonderful as well as the people around here. It's much different than other mobile home parks I've been in. I've seen terrible turmoil in places like this when some are allowed to bully others. Glad to be here. It could have been terrible. To buy a place, you have to sell it if you want to move. That makes things harder. 

There are a few places for sale here now. I have a friend that is looking for a safe place to be that is cheaper than her place. This is it. I'm trying to talk to her about coming here. She lives in Bakersfield. Yuck! Who would live there? It's such a terrible place. Dirty, hot, and just plain yucky. But glad there are people that love it, as there are too many people here locally.

I've just found out that another person I don't care for has just moved back into the area. I thought we were done with her. I saw her at Pride. Geeze. Amberlyn has caused to much crap in the Gay community, they were glad when she left. Whatever happened in San Diego didn't work or something because she's back. ARF. She started rumors about me, that went viral and I've not been able to stand her since. She didn't have the nerve to come to me in person and say she had a problem with me, she went behind my back. Unexceptable in my book. But I'm not going to let it stop me from doing anything I choose. After all I know what people really think of her, and she's just another person that is trying to muck her way through life. She just has a negative way of going about it.

Funny how things come and go in waves. I've just re-connected with some people I've been friends with over 30 years. I'm hoping to see them and talk to them and get better connected with them and stay connected. Now, that I live in the area again, I'm going to re-connect with those that have been a good influence in my life. I've neglected my friendships, and I don't want to do that anymore. The older I get the more important the people are in my life. 

I guess I let Judy W and that group of friends go because they were connected to a point with my ex Judy and Rick P. I don't want any further dealings with the ponds clan, so I locked out of my life anyone that was associated with them in any way. It was easier to do it that way while I was mourning my son. It's hard enough losing a son, let alone having to deal with heartless ex-in-laws. I'm just glad most of the hurt feeling are starting to fade some. 

I just thought that when you lose someone like a son, that people would be coming over, cooking, or doing something like what I see on TV. Caring, calling, cards. I got NONE of that. I didn't have anyone come over and do anything for me. I just mourned alone. I went through most everything major alone. Which tells me what a strong person I really am ALONE. I have more friends than most, but for some reason, no one felt the need to help me through my sons death. I noticed that most people just avoid the conversation of my son. Weird really. I don't get it, but I've never been able to understand people. Some people showed up for the Celebration of life for Cory when I had it at Avila Beach. Two people showed up that weren't even invited Pat and Ronnie Ponds and brought beer no less!!!!!! I was horrified, and that was the end of the relationship with them. I've not had anything to do with them since. I was friends and a relative to them for over 30 years. Sometimes you have to walk away from those that don't have your best interest at heart! 

I've missed them at times, but not really very much. Not like I thought I would. First of all, I got a clear mind now to see what was happening around me that I just let go and didn't do anything about. I now realize what a terrible relationship I had with these people. I thought they were helping me.  was so wrong. Pat started being so mean to Ronnie, I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. Pat would start drinking early and by noon be drunk and mean. Funny when we first met she didn't drink or smoke anything. Now, she does it all. Sad to s