Love my Super Soul Sunday

I truly look forward to Sundays to watch Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. It's kind of my church without going anywhere.

I watch Sunday Morning on CBS, then off to Oprah. I make my coffee, get myself settled for a few hours of being inspired by teachers. I'm not able to talk physically with many of my teachers, so this is the best way I know how to get the wisdom I'm seeking. It has changed the way I think and feel about so much lately.

I re-read some of the things I've written and I have a tendency to change the thoughts when I move forward and get a better understanding. I'm not going to do that anymore. I am going to go back and see how my journey is changing. I already see it. Just a few months ago, I see my growth. My understanding. I'm softening, and coming into myself, my authentic self.

I had a lady contact me about my blog and said she was so impressed that I was willing to be so honest about my faults etc. I figure I might as well. Everyone else can see them, I can't deny them anymore, so it's best to acknowledge it, and try to do better. If you deny the things you've done and said, then you aren't being authentic. I've done many many things I wish I hadn't.  But everything has a cause and effect. I'm evolving, and will continue to do as long as I am engaged in life. I suppose I don't mind putting myself out there because I really don't mind if someone says negative things, I just figure it's about them not me. I've grown a thick skin throughout the years.

If me telling my story has helped anyone I'm thrilled. This is part of my journey. I've pretty much made every mistake you could in life, and am still here to talk about it, acknowledge it, and heal from it. It's been a very tough journey in many ways. Mostly self inflicted pain, but either way, it's the journey I've chosen to become the person I'm am. I recognize that I have a LONG way to go, but the aha moments are coming so fast sometimes, that I have to sit down and take a breath. Just to think I could have known all this before if I'd taken the time to stop and learn. I was so busy in auto pilot that I didn't stop to do much. Anything rather than feel, and heal.

All of this serves a purpose. I asked for this journey. I knew it would be hard, painful, and long, BUT I am willing to do it to learn the lessons coming to me. Thank you.

I wish this for my daughter as well. She has to come to her own healing in her own time. I wish I could make it happen overnight and be over for her and she can move forward healed and with a different attitude. But it will happen in it's due time. It's just hard to know all the pain she's going through due to her own decisions. I want to help, take away the pain, and give her a big hug, but it's not to be at this time. I pray for her deep in my soul as only a Mother can. Heidi doesn't know it, but I learn from her daily. For this I thank her.

I haven't written off my daughter. When I said I was done, what I meant by that was I am done with her abuse and the craziness she calls life. I can no longer allow her to use and abuse me. I can't be part of her life right now, and that makes me sad. I love her as only a Mother can. I want the best  for her, but I've been an enabler way too long, and this is where it's gotten us today. We both need to heal, learn our lessons, and perhaps down the road connect again in a healthier way, and with love in our hearts. I love her more than she'll ever know at this time. But she knows deep down I do love her and want the best for her. It's just her anger that won't all ow for her healing.

It took me a very long time to understand so much, so I understand her journey and why it's taking so long. But as a parent you want to take away the pain, but it's what she will have to go through in order to get the lessons, apply them and really do the work on herself and life. It's painful.  But my prayers daily help with that struggle.

I said a prayer for you at the beach my daughter. Did you feel it? Do you know how much you are loved? I hope so. I  hope you have good people around you. I wish for you swift understanding and healing. Your Mother continues to love you and want the best always. Take care my child until we meet again, either here or in the next life.